This was a tough week and I certainly have new empathy with my funeral clients. I wasn't truly aware of just how much energy is sapped out of you with a death bed watch. Tired, so tired and even though I slept it was not refreshing. Tears at strange times and for no reason. Laughter as well.
A million tasks to be completed after the fact. My family like every other, exploding in piles of unresolved s---. Drama. oh my the drama. And getting people together and making decisions about cremation, space and memorials was and is a bit like herding cats.
Of course death can bring out the best in us but my goodness, it can also raise the ugly heads of jealousy, greed, unresolved issues. It can show who has grown up and who is in their 50's and still not beyond grade school in their emotional growth.
I am amazed at how word spreads through the community.
Mom, I love you, I am sorry to see you go but I am so happy you went quickly and did not have any more years of deterioration I was awed by the treatment of the staff at Wexford Creek and for once was happy that overcrowding in the hospital sent you back there to finish your days. No cheery epitaphs here but lady, we will give you a bang-up memorial to send you on your journey!

Dear Miss Manners,
Please discuss how to fairly divide the items in a deceased loved one's estate to prevent hurt feelings and family feuds. Please remind people of three big no-no's:

• Going into the house and removing items before the other heirs get there.
• Only direct heirs should be involved, not daughter-in-laws, son-in-laws, etc.
• If someone wants something that is worth several hundred or thousand dollars, that amount should be deducted from their inheritance.

The main thing is to treat others the same way you would like to be treated! PLEASE discuss it, because it affects nearly all families!

Gentle Reader,
Including families where in-laws have full status?

Miss Manners has no trouble endorsing your prohibition against stealing from the dead. But the other terms for dividing property not mentioned in a will should be worked out by mutual consent of the heirs. For example, she has heard of families in which the richer members take subtle care to see that the poorer ones get more valuable items ("Oh, come on, you take the silver, we already have a set") or divide by emotional attachment ("I've always loved that painting, but you know I don't wear jewelry, and Mother would want you to have hers"). Or they simply take turns choosing items.