Many of my couples who are getting married in the summer and fall of 2013 have requested handfasting as an alternative to a more traditional wedding.
If you’re not familiar with handfasting – it’s quite literally, “tying the knot.” Though “handfasting” is often used in Pagan circles as the term for the entire wedding ceremony, the handfasting I’m referring to is a unity ritual, often going after the ring vows and before the closing of the ceremony. The couple takes hands (like they’re shaking hands – right into right and left into left), and then their hands are then wrapped with a cord, symbolizing the joining of their lives and hearts. Each wrap represents a step towards complete commitment to each other. At the end, the couple remains there, for a moment, and then the cord is removed before the end of the ceremony. Some couples choose to take vows as their hands are wrapped – this is an option as well.
What could I do but quote the wedding planner? Everything was going wrong with my destination wedding. The beach was now, thankfully, tranquil and calm but it was still awful looking. The tropical storm that blew through last night had really littered the shore with debris.
“What more could go wrong?” I wondered.
After my Mother's funeral on Friday, we, the immediate family went for a wonderful dinner. The owner of the restaurant had known Mom and wanted to honour her. He took us out on the deck and sabered two bottles of champagne to toast her.
I had nearly forgotten that in another era of my life, I had become a Sabrador and have the certificate to prove it. I think I will offer this fun and festive service to my new brides and grooms. Sometime today, I'll go through my files and scan my Sabrador certificate onto this site.
Lisa replied to one of my musings that getting her Grandmother's silver teaspoons was her joy and her honour. Every time she uses or cleans those spoons she'll be one with her Grandmother. Grandma won't be there in person but I bet she guided Lisa's hands every time she touches those spoons. Each time she uses them she'll be in silent communication with her beloved Grandmother.
I have a tremendously tacky ceramic shoe ornament from my Grandmother's effects. It's not a thing of beauty but it is something that warms my heart.
Now my family doesn't leave you the small item of love and a cheque for a large sum of money. Often we have to whip the hat around to pay for the funeral, but if we where left some money, it would be gone, spent, enjoyed or blown. And after a while the only thing that would still be there would be the small item of Love.
What was that for you and why?
This was a tough week and I certainly have new empathy with my funeral clients. I wasn't truly aware of just how much energy is sapped out of you with a death bed watch. Tired, so tired and even though I slept it was not refreshing. Tears at strange times and for no reason. Laughter as well.
A million tasks to be completed after the fact. My family like every other, exploding in piles of unresolved s---. Drama. oh my the drama. And getting people together and making decisions about cremation, space and memorials was and is a bit like herding cats.
Of course death can bring out the best in us but my goodness, it can also raise the ugly heads of jealousy, greed, unresolved issues. It can show who has grown up and who is in their 50's and still not beyond grade school in their emotional growth.
I am amazed at how word spreads through the community.
Mom, I love you, I am sorry to see you go but I am so happy you went quickly and did not have any more years of deterioration I was awed by the treatment of the staff at Wexford Creek and for once was happy that overcrowding in the hospital sent you back there to finish your days. No cheery epitaphs here but lady, we will give you a bang-up memorial to send you on your journey!
_ Once again, as I glance down the obituary column, wondering if any familiar names are there, I see a statement that occurs more and more often: "In keeping with Virginia's wishes, there will be no funeral service."
I am deeply disturbed by this trend. Ritual is the way cultures in all times and places have marked significant events in their community. Religious holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah carry traditions that have been around for generations. Babies are often christened or dedicated. We gather to celebrate the marriage of friends. Birthdays call for a cake and candles. Why would we allow the death of a loved one to pass without ceremony?
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